This post is by Monica Velici of Sparta Health
Emotional intelligence fuels your performance both in the workplace and in your personal life, but it starts with you. From your confidence, empathy and optimism to your social skills and self-control, understanding and managing your own emotions can accelerate success in all areas of your life.
No matter what professional field you are in, whether you manage a team of two or 20, or even just yourself, realising how effective you are at controlling your own emotional energy is a great starting point. Absent from the curriculum, emotional intelligence is not something we are taught or tested on, so where did it come from, what is it, do you have it and is it really that important?
Emotions and feelings represent our body and mind energy levels and our beliefs and motivations give rise to the emotions and feelings we experience daily. Through emotions and feelings, one experiences and connects to the world around them - therefore emotions and feelings play a vital role in survival, communication, and problem-solving.
However, we are taught to guide our decisions according to our beliefs and thoughts (sometimes irrational) as opposed to guiding ourselves according to our emotions and feelings. Not surprisingly, emotions and feelings are always involved when we make a decision. On the other hand, there are instances when, in a crisis, people tend to give themselves up to their emotions and feelings, which, in return can lead to prolonged symptoms of anxiety and depression.
So, why is emotional intelligence important?
- Your mental health. At any given moment, your mental health reflects emotional balance, or lack thereof, in your life. How you deal with stress—from everyday minor stressors to major life-changing stress—determines a huge proportion of your mental health in both the short- and long-term. Emotions should not define us or our thoughts. Instead, we shouldonly observe the emotions that we feel. When you learn how to do this, you will quickly find that while pain is inevitable, suffering from that pain is optional.
- Your relationships. Your ability to successfully navigate all kinds of relationships is pretty much the same thing as your ability to navigate the world of emotions. Recognising the emotional needs of a friend, family member, or romantic partner and then responding in a way that helps them get that need met is the foundation for any healthy, fulfilling relationship. It works the other way as well: to get your needs met in a relationship, you must effectively communicate your needs to the other person. This is often one of the hardest parts of relationships for a lot of people.
- Your job. If you are in a leadership role in your job, one of the best management strategies you can use is listening to what your employees need to do their jobs effectively. And it is not just about the valuable information you get back when you listen. When employees feel heard and respected, they are more productive, less likely to quit, and less likely to complain. If you are an employee, understanding what motivates you and your bosses/co-workers on an emotional level will make navigating your work life so much easier and less stressful.
Therefore, as emotional intelligence is involved in almost every aspect of our life, it is also important to know how to train and cultivate it.
- Practice observing how you feel. Often, we lead hectic, busy lifestyles and it is all too easy for us to lose touch with our emotions. To reconnect, try setting a timer for various points during the day. When the timer goes off, take a few deep breaths, and notice how you are feeling emotionally. Pay attention to where in the body that emotion is showing up as a physical feeling in your body and what the sensation feels like. The more you practice, the more it will become second nature.
- Pay attention to your behaviour. While you are practising your emotional awareness, take the time to notice your behaviour too. Observe how you act when you are experiencing certain emotions, and how that affects your day-to-day life. Managing our emotions becomes easier once we become more conscious of how we react to them.
- Question your own opinions. In this hyper-connected world, it is easy to fall into an ‘opinion bubble’. This is a state of existence where your own opinions are constantly re-enforced by people with similar viewpoints. Take time to read the other side of the story and have your views challenged (even if you still feel they are right). This will help you understand other people and be more receptive to new ideas.
- Be responsible for how you feel. Your emotions and behaviour come from you, they don’t come from anyone else and once you start accepting responsibility for how you feel and how you behave it will have a positive impact on all areas of your life.
- Take time to celebrate the positive. A key part emotional intelligence is celebrating and reflecting on the positive moments in life. People who experience positive emotions are generally more resilient and more likely to have fulfilling relationships, which will help them move past adversity.
- Do not ignore the negative. Reflecting on negative feelings is just as important as reflecting on the positive. Understanding why you feel negative is key to becoming a fully rounded individual, who is more able to deal with negative issues in the future.
No doubt, there is a purpose to our emotions. We do not need to put aside what we tend to feel and how we attempt to address it. Without recognition as to the whys and wherefores of a certain emotion, a person is unlikely to fully understand his or her behaviour because of a particular feeling. Our emotions can rule our thoughts, and therefore, instruct our behaviour. We do need to embrace them to move through them. But, there is also a time to refrain from embracing, especially if we tend to hold on to one emotion for prolonged periods of time.
About Monica Velici
Monica joined Sparta Health in February 2020 as part of the rehabilitation service support team. She has a degree in Psychology, an MSc in Clinical Neurodevelopmental Sciences, and a keen interest in dementia and mental health. Monica aims to become a fully accredited therapist.