This post is by Anthony Savage of Sparta Health
We all have a brain, and we all have mental health. Sometimes, our mental health is low or struggling, and that's okay. Much like our bodies, we need to care for our minds and try to keep them as healthy as possible. But it's not just us adults who suffer from mental health conditions. Roughly' one in ten children aged between five and sixteen are diagnosed with a problem every year' [1]. It's so important that you cultivate an openness surrounding your child's mental health, and talking about it is the best way to do so.
Why is it important?
Your job is to look after your children, so it is understandable if you are hesitant to talk about mental health with them. You might feel that talking about it will make it more prominent in their lives, and by not discussing it, you are protecting them from it. But, shielding them from knowing about mental health might make matters worse. They may be even more scared to tell you what's going on in their mind and might feel as though they aren't normal for having the feelings they're having. Perhaps you don't quite feel like you have the right information to give them, or maybe you don't feel confident enough to open up the conversation.
Children should know that emotions can impact us physically, 'for example, just as in PE, when our heart beats very quickly after we have been running, the same is true when we are nervous or scared'[2]. By encouraging children to recognise these concepts and getting them to think about their feelings and thoughts concerning their behaviour, 'we can then explain how a combination of all these elements affects our mental health'[2]. Opening up a conversation about mental health will encourage your child to understand the normality of mental health and the importance of being open and honest about it.
Where do I start?
The best way to start is by setting an example. Your child will pick up on your words and actions, so 'promote good health with the things you say and do and through the environment you create at home'[3]. Their home environment is pivotal. It could be the difference between honesty and silence. If they don't feel comfortable, then they probably won't open up to you. So be vigilant and mindful, not only of your actions but also of theirs.
- Tech and media: be aware of how long your child spends on their phone or TV. 'Be aware of who they might be interacting with on social media and online games'[3].
- Physical activity: instead of playing video games or scrolling through the internet, encourage your child to play outside and make time for family activities.
- Conversations: whilst talking is essential, there are some conversations that your child doesn't need to overhear. 'Be careful about discussing serious family issues—such as finances, marital problems, or illness—around your children'[3], they may start to worry.
- Be a role model: whilst the above point is necessary to consider, don't shy away from openness entirely. Talk about your feelings, and they'll follow suit.
Self-esteem
A huge issue a lot of us suffer from is low self-esteem. It's far too easy to develop, and somewhat tricky to knock. Take it upon yourself to help your child develop healthy self-esteem by doing the following:
- 'Show lots of love and acceptance.
- Praise them when they do well. Recognise their efforts as well as what they achieve.
- Ask questions about their activities and interests.
- Help them set realistic goals.'[3]
How do I recognise mental health changes in my child?
Even if they don't tell you with their words, chances are your child is telling you through their actions. Look for changes in how they play, especially in younger children. According to the NHS, 'stressed and upset children often play fighting games with their toys. Comment on this by saying, "There are a lot of fights going on" or "It seems pretty frightening". This can help to get them talking about what's bothering them'[4]. This won't always lead to a conversation though, so if they don't want to talk about it then 'let the subject go, then repeat the process another time until they are ready to tell you what's bothering them'[4].
They may also show changes in their thinking by demonstrating troubles concentrating, changes in their school performance or blaming themselves for things that are out of their control. And, much like us, their behavioural changes can include crying easily, wanting to be alone often, over-reacting, trouble sleeping, and seeming less energetic than usual. You need to keep an eye out for any changes in their character, and if anything seems off, then you should address it.
How do I talk about it?
You've recognised a shift in your child, and they don't seem their usual selves. It's great that you've spotted this change, but now what do you do? You talk to them. That sounds a bit intense, and 'talk to them' isn't as easy as it sounds.
- Start by speaking with a close friend, parent, your partner about what it is you want to say; the likelihood is that they will advise you or provide you with the support you need to take the plunge. Or, you could contact a 'support service like the Carers Trust'[5].
- Don't overwhelm them by complicating it, just keep it simple and age-appropriate.
- In simple terms, explain how mental health affects you and your behaviours.
- Make a conscious effort to discuss feelings with your child.
- 'Be available to listen if they are having problems or if they just want to talk.
- Answer questions as honestly as possible, or find someone else who can answer them instead.
- Reassure them that they are not responsible for how you feel – instead, be a team with your children and help each other at different times.
- Agree what information about your mental health you feel happy for them to share, and with whom.' [5]
If they express discomfort in talking to you, encourage them to speak to someone else, be it a teacher, older sibling, grandparent or friend. 'Childline can also offer them confidential information and advice' [5], as well as Sparta Health. We are here for you!
About Anthony Savage
Anthony Savage is the Medical Services Manager at Sparta Health, having joined the team in 2017 and is responsible for the overall operational delivery of our high quality services to our clients. He has a solid background in workplace physiology, health and safety, as well over 12 years of delivering, and holding senior management positions, for leading injury and condition management providers.
He is known for his innovative approach in his design and execution of services and his ability to build enduring relationships.
References:
- Nip in the Bud. Child Mental Health Conditions [Internet]. Nip in the Bud. [cited 2020 Nov 13].
- Mentally Healthy Schools. How to start a conversation with children about mental health?: Mentally Healthy Schools [Internet]. www.mentallyhealthyschools.org.uk. [cited 2020 Jun 5].
- Caring for Kids. Your child’s mental health - Caring for Kids [Internet]. Caringforkids.cps.ca. 2017.
- NHS Choices. Talking to children about feelings [Internet]. NHS Choices. 2019.
- Mind. Helping your children [Internet]. www.mind.org.uk. [cited 2020 Nov 13].